Welcoming a second baby into the family is a joyful and exciting time — but it can also be an emotional transition, especially for your first child. As a doula working with families across Sydney, I often support parents not just through birth, but also through the delicate process of preparing siblings for this big change.
One of the most compassionate and realistic guides I’ve come across on this topic is The Second Baby Book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. Her approach is gentle, respectful, and grounded in understanding children’s emotional needs — values I deeply share in my own practice.
Here are some key insights and suggestions I offer to families, inspired by Ockwell-Smith’s work, to help make this transition smoother and more loving for everyone involved.
1. Don’t Expect Excitement — That’s OK
One of the most valuable messages from The Second Baby Book is to release the expectation that your older child will be excited about the new baby. Many children are confused, anxious, or even angry — and those feelings are perfectly valid.
Rather than over-selling the idea that “you’re going to be a big brother/sister!” with excitement, try acknowledging their feelings gently. You might say:
“It’s going to be different having a new baby. Sometimes it might feel fun, and sometimes it might feel tricky. I’ll be here with you through all of it.”
By being honest and realistic with your chiuld you are building emotional safety and trust with them. They learnt hat they can rely on you during this time of change.
2. Avoid Big Changes Around Baby’s Arrival
It’s tempting to think, “Let’s toilet train, move them into a big bed, and wean — all before the baby comes!”
But this kind of stacking change can be overwhelming for a toddler or preschooler.
Ockwell-Smith suggests avoiding major transitions close to your due date. If big changes are necessary, try to complete them a few months before baby arrives — or, if possible, wait until things settle after the birth.
Keeping some parts of their life predictable can help your child feel more secure amidst the change.
3. Involve Them, But Don’t Pressure
It’s lovely to include your child in preparations for the baby — like choosing clothes or reading picture books together — but it’s also okay if they’re not interested.
Some ideas that gently encourage connection without pressure:
Read sibling-themed books together (e.g. There’s a House Inside My Mummy)
Let them feel the baby kick, if they want to
Create a “big sibling basket” for them to open when the baby arrives
Let your child take the lead. It’s about offering, not enforcing.
4. Protect Their Bond with You
Your child’s biggest concern won’t be the baby, it will be you and their relationship with you.
Will they still get cuddles? Will they still be seen and loved the same way?
One of the most important things you can do is protect their sense of connection. Ockwell-Smith recommends setting aside dedicated one-on-one time, even just 10–15 minutes a day, that is entirely about them. No phones. No baby. Just you and your firstborn.
In those early postpartum days, having your partner, doula, or support person hold the baby for short periods while you snuggle, read, or play with your older child can go a long way.
And from your perspective, it is normal to miss your older child as the time you spend with them becomes limited, so this dedicated time helps you feel like you’re keeping your connection.
5. Be Honest — and Keep the Baby Low-Key
While it’s natural to want to talk about the baby a lot, Ockwell-Smith gently reminds us to keep things balanced. Too much baby talk can feel like displacement to a child. She also recommends describing the baby realistically — “They’ll mostly cry, sleep, and feed at the beginning.”
This helps prevent disappointment or frustration when reality sets in.
6. Remember: Regression is Normal
Potty accidents, clinginess, night waking, tantrums, pretending to be a baby — all of these are common reactions to the arrival of a sibling. They’re not “bad behaviour”; they’re signs your child is adjusting, testing, and seeking reassurance.
The best response? Stay calm, be present, and remind them they are loved. Again and again. All regressions are temporary.
Finally
Preparing your child for a new sibling isn’t about making it perfect. It’s about staying close, listening deeply, and holding space for all the big feelings that come up — for everyone.
As your family grows, so too does the opportunity for deeper connection, empathy, patience and love. And remember, just as your child is learning how to be a sibling, you’re learning how to be a parent of two. Be gentle with yourself.
If you’re pregnant with your second and would like support in preparing your child, your partner, and your home for the transition, I’d love to hear from you.